Tired

Tired, in more than one sense, actually.

Tuesday was ok - survived the chip-shop without too much harm (though, chips, being what they are are never the most healthy of things!)

Yesterday was a mini-disaster. Coming down with a sore-throat, and feeling more than a little bit tired and emotional, and this never bodes well. Spent almost all morning thinking of a way that I could eat something. Mentally trying to find a way, and I did find a way. Had a big chocolate bar which was heavenly. I'd love to say that I felt worse afterwards, but the truth of the matter is that I didn't - I felt better - and isn't that half of the problem?

The rest of the day was fine. Gave blood in the afternoon which left me feeling tired and wobbly, so had some free biscuits in the blood-mobile, but you are meant to, so I don't feel bad about that. Evening then passed without incident.

See, the problem now, is that my resolve is starting to crack. All I can think about is how ill I feel, how emotional I am right now, and how that can pretty much be drowned out by something to eat. And I'm tired, and running out of energy to beat it.

All I can think about is how to eat food without someone finding out about it - and so the moment a chance presents itself, it's not just that I'm weak, but it's that this is the chance that a large part of me as been looking for for most of the day. And if I resist, I just feel worse, because I know that a solution to my emotional hunger is but a reach away, and if I deny it to myself, I'm consigning myself to feeling like this - which really is a form of hurting myself.

So not snacking, in this sense, feels more like hurting myself than eating (which, ironically *is* hurting myself). I mean, how do you fight against that?

The pertinent question then becomes, how do I cheer myself up (and avoid feeling ill and tired) without eating. And if there isn't another way - then isn't it kinda crappy to deny myself the one thing that will help me?

Seriously, suggestions needed. In the meantime I'll keep trying to hold on to the tiny scrap of energy I have left to resist. I may well crack.

:(