Hmmmm

Cycled in today, and had a slim fast so all good there. Noticed I've started having sugar in my coffee again (the more I think about it, the more I think sugar might be at the root of my struggles!) -so went to have a sweetener today but couldn't find any. Aaaah well. Tomorrow.

Other than that, going well so far today.

Oh, and still not broadband at home :(

Righty

I'm back. Still no net access at home, hence the quiet spell - but all of that is due to end today (hopefully!). In the meantime, I thought I'd update you all.

Everything has been going well. Those who know me well (and invariably aren't male) have all noticed that I'm a lot thinner. Work colleagues and football colleagues either haven't noticed, or haven't mentioned it. But hey, I understand.

Still cycling and loving it - and the SlimFast is still going strong.

Things to focus on in the coming weeks:

* Have been dipping in to full fat cans at work recently in a bid to boost sugar levels (I think) - THIS MUST STOP! At 200 calories a can, it's not a good 'look' ;)

* Was quite stressed and ill last week and so regressed to type and looked to food as my primary comfort. Feeling better now, so not as problem - but shows there is still work to do in the old outlook thing.

* Am still prone to snacking at times (breakfast cereal here, shop-bought snacks there). Not good. Need to be stronger.

* Christmas is coming up. Need to be ready to resist!

Anyways, mostly positive - but lets see how the next few weeks go!

Fret not...

...I'm still here - and well and truly still on the wagon. Just really busy at work, and without internet access at home yet.

Weekend was, um, ok - yesterday and today have been brilliant.

It's all good in the hood.

Summary

Yesterday rubbish. Today good.

That is all.

Celebrate good times, come on!

Well I'm proud to report my first 100% successful weekend since the dawn of this snackign blog.

Played football on Saturday morning and played really well (in part because of the improved fitness) and then had a SlimFast before going to stay and Mum & Dad-in-laws for the weekend. Paced myself well with the food on offer and was generally buoyed by the compliments I was getting with my diet progress (they follow the blog) - it was all good. Even brought a SlimFast bar with me for breakfast - that's how good I was!

Today is a similar success - SlimFast this morning, plus SlimFast soup for lunch, plus my brand new bike came today, which should make the cycling more fun. Yay!

Football training tonight - will try and and avoid nearly vomitting this time after shuttle runs.

:)

(Oh, and I'll be going running with Daz this week sometime too).

Cake

Howdy snack-fans,

Well this week has been a roaring success so far. Tuesday was good as was yesterday, though it started off in a rather damp way, as I decided to walk to our new offices (about a 30 min walk) and 5 mins in the heavens opened, and poor coat-less, umbrella-less Andy got drenched. To make matters worse, I was listening to the song "Summer in the city" at the time. Grrrrr

Still, new office living is good. We have cheap snacks provided at cost to the employees here, which previously was a bit of an issue - so I did a deal with our office administrator to charge me triple for each snack to put me off. Now that the selection has been expanded, we've negotiated a price-hike to make sure I'm not tempted. Each snack will now cost me 5 english pounds. So I'm not likely to be purchasing any anytime soon.

Went up the pub yesterday and had a few pints whilst watching the football match (which earns a Grrrr, on its own merits), but no snacking which was good.

This morning was also ace. Cycled in to work and had a SlimFast soup for lunch (in addition to the SlimFast milkshake this morning). All good there. Was starting to feel peckish post-lunch (despite eating my fruit) and was feeling a bit weak, and as luck (or not) would have it, one of my colleagues had a birthday today, and his girlfriend brought in a lovely hand-made birthday cake. Dammit, I wanted a piece so badly.

She assured me that one half (the left half) was entirely fat free, so I had a thin slice. No biggy, and I really enjoyed it - but not a completely blemish free record today, sadly.

Should be able to close out the rest of the day fine though.

I'm still here

...just a bit busy/distracted right now, and still no internet at home - grrrrrrrrr.

Anyways, to sum up. Weekend ok (Saturday bad, Sunday good) and yesterday and today have been ace.

Bit ill at the moment, but only the sniffles.

Doing a bit better

Head still above water, and a pep talk from B has definitely steadied the ship a little. Doing well so far.

Tired

Tired, in more than one sense, actually.

Tuesday was ok - survived the chip-shop without too much harm (though, chips, being what they are are never the most healthy of things!)

Yesterday was a mini-disaster. Coming down with a sore-throat, and feeling more than a little bit tired and emotional, and this never bodes well. Spent almost all morning thinking of a way that I could eat something. Mentally trying to find a way, and I did find a way. Had a big chocolate bar which was heavenly. I'd love to say that I felt worse afterwards, but the truth of the matter is that I didn't - I felt better - and isn't that half of the problem?

The rest of the day was fine. Gave blood in the afternoon which left me feeling tired and wobbly, so had some free biscuits in the blood-mobile, but you are meant to, so I don't feel bad about that. Evening then passed without incident.

See, the problem now, is that my resolve is starting to crack. All I can think about is how ill I feel, how emotional I am right now, and how that can pretty much be drowned out by something to eat. And I'm tired, and running out of energy to beat it.

All I can think about is how to eat food without someone finding out about it - and so the moment a chance presents itself, it's not just that I'm weak, but it's that this is the chance that a large part of me as been looking for for most of the day. And if I resist, I just feel worse, because I know that a solution to my emotional hunger is but a reach away, and if I deny it to myself, I'm consigning myself to feeling like this - which really is a form of hurting myself.

So not snacking, in this sense, feels more like hurting myself than eating (which, ironically *is* hurting myself). I mean, how do you fight against that?

The pertinent question then becomes, how do I cheer myself up (and avoid feeling ill and tired) without eating. And if there isn't another way - then isn't it kinda crappy to deny myself the one thing that will help me?

Seriously, suggestions needed. In the meantime I'll keep trying to hold on to the tiny scrap of energy I have left to resist. I may well crack.

:(

Today

Hello my friends in snack-land,

Today has been good. Had a coffee this morning (my normal skinny Caramel Machiatto) - and no snacking to report. Lots of squash too, so I haven't felt in any snack-related danger.

There was a cake and chocolate in the kitchen this morning - but found it pretty easy to resist.

Football training yesterday was ace. Felt fitter than I have in a long time - and didn't have any trouble with the fitness work, or getting through lots of running during the game. Starting to see some progress!

Tonight we have a 'fish and chips' social at our house for cell group, which should be ace. Will try not to go overboard with it, but I'm fairly powerless against paperfulls of delicious starchy, greasy goodness. Will try though.

Quick update

Hey there blog-fans,

Just a quick update on things. Weekend was a mixed bag. Saturday was, on the whole, ok. Away at a conference, but little in the way of snacking.

Sunday was a disaster. On my own and pigging out on breakfast cereal (which seems to be my weakness of choice at the moment). Had to dispose of the tasty little things before I worked my way throw an entire packet - and after that things were largely ok. Bit annoying but not great.

Today, as is the way of things, is going ace. Routine is the number one tool in the dieter's toolbox. Haven't had a coffee today yet, mind, which is making me yawn lots.

More later...

Yay

Closed the day out well! :)

No updates till next week as we still haven't got 'the net' at home sorted yet.

Pork pie

There was a free pork pie going in the kitchen at work with an "eat me" sign on top of it.

*shakes fist at the sky*

"Damn you poetic justice!"

I stared it down though and it was defeated. Pork pie 0 Andy 1. I soooo rule today.

Yesterday

Hmmmm, yesterday was less than stellar. Dinner was fine, went home and had a SlimFast (after spending an hour or so trying to figure out how the electricity in the downstairs of our new house worked). Sat myself on the sofa for a mammoth West Wing session and started to feel very peckish, so had an apple. An hour later, still peckish, so I grab a yoghurt - t'is only small and good for a stop-gap. An hour later, still hungry and I'm mentally scanning the kitchen for something to eat. Decide to resist and make myself a cup of hot chocolate to take my mind off of food. Half an hour later, still hungry. Mentally scanning kitchen again.

Target aquired.

I could have a bowl of cereal, I think.

At the point I entertain the notion, it's already too late. I was feeling weak before coming up with the idea, and now I'm doomed. So I have a bowl, purposely choosing a small bowl, so that I don't have too much.

A nanosecond of guilt as I finish up the delicious bowl.

I could have another one, I think.

Damn. Foiled again. I have a second bowl.

This time the guilt is bigger and mentally I'm weighing up the good I've achieved all day with the indiscretion of the evening. Am I still up? Probably. I probably haven't undone the good work, yet. But it's a close run thing - and I almost certainly haven't lost any weight. Damn.

So, step one in beating the enemy is knowing the enemy. Why did I struggle?

Theory 1: I was on my own. I'm awful on my own. Not much I can do about that one though.

Theory 2: I was watching telly on the sofa. Mentally I associate lazy TV viewing with eating, that's something that needs to be undone. I'll be wiser the next time.

Theory 3: I was feeling annoyed because I couldn't fix the electricity issue we were having - and we all know how I cheer myself up. Need to find a better way of cheering myself up.

Theory 4: I onl had breakfast cereal because there was sugar around to have on top of the cereal. No sugar, no cereal. I'll get B to hide the sugar. Result.

Anyways, today is going well. No sweetener at work, so had to have sugar in my coffee, but had SlimFast this morning and have resisted free food brought in by a colleague (including, ironically enough, breakfast cereal).

Today should be fine, I reckon.

Still going well

Yay, etc... Had lunch round Chris's, so it's SlimFast this evening, which might be a challenge, come 9pm, but I shall try distraction therapy, by distracting myself with either West Wing (series 6) or a computer game of some such. Evening to myself, y'see...

SlimFast

Right, I've had this post brewing for a while, but haven't had a chance to type it up till now. When people find out that I'm 'on' SlimFast they always frown, look down their noses and then try to 'correct' stuff that I 'haven't thought of'.

So, in an affort to placate all of your fears, here's NOT why I'm doing SlimFast:

• I'm not doing it to 'lose weight fast' - In my book, the product is poorly named and leads people to think that it's some fad, alongside diet pills and herbal remedies. I'm losing weight slowly, and I'm completely happy with that.


• I'm not doing it as a short-term fix. It's helping me to change my relationship with food, and I'm hoping that that's a long-term thing. I'm learning that I need alot less than I used to eat for my lunch and breakfast, and that meals that are 'functional' can still provide me with all I need for the day.


• I'm not doing it because I have no idea about nutrition. I know an amazing lot about nutrition and part of the reason I'm doing SlimFast is because it's a calorie-controlled way to stop me over-indulging with two of my meals. It's nutrionally balanced to make sure I'm not missing out on stuff and is designed to be combined with other stuff through the day, like fruit - which I do. I make sure I get my 5 portions of fruit and vegetables a day, and B and I always eat exciting and balanced meals in the evening.


• I'm not assuming that I'll lose weight simply through dieting - I make sure I get a good deal of exercise (and actually, pretty much always have - it's just that my diet is so bad that it normally undoes all of the good work done with the exercise!). I cycle to work most days - play football atleast 2 times a week, sometimes go for a run, and if I can, try to get a game of squash in too.


• I'm not doing it because I'm too lazy, or don't know that I can buy low-calorie foods on my own and restrict my diet that way. The precise problem I have is that I'm prone to weakness when I'm left up to regulating my diet right now, and that's why a set number of nutrionally balanced calories for two meals in the day is helpful.

So, I know SlimFast sounds like it's a dodgy remedy for lazy chavs - but I'm finding it helpful, so that's a good thing, right?

The last two

Wow, it's been a really good week so far. The rest of Tuesday passed without incident, despite watching the two-hour episode of Lost on my own (late-night TV watching has prime-time snacking potential). No need to dodge the biscuit temptation at cell group too as we arrived too late to be offered coffee, so that was nice.

Yesterday, too, was all good. SlimFast at breakfast and lunch (plus fruit) and spanish chicken (with healthier brown rice) to see out the day. Had a couple of glasses of wine with the meal, but only 2 small glasses and we still have wine left in the bottle this morning, which is good for us!

This morning SlimFast, check! Also got up early to drop B to work, so went out for a run with Darren which was ace - if not a little frustrating as my ankles were a bit tender, so we ended up walking about half of it. Nice start to the day though.

Working day has started off with coffee avec sweetener, and a nice glass of squash to make sure I'm hydrated. Right now feeling strong, and definitely seeing an improvement in my appearance and the way that my clothes are fitting - which fills me full of hope, and further spurs me on.

All good in the hood

Football was good yesterday - despite carrying a slight knock was able to join in with most of the fitness work and felt full of energy in the match, which was ace - and about the first time this season I've felt like that. Definitely starting to see and improvement in the ol' physique and mum-in-law spotted that I'd lost a bit of a weight at the weekend, which was nice.

Made sure I drank lots of fluids both before and after, so the evening wasn't a problem. Had an orange as I unwound for the night, but didn't feel in the slightest bit of danger with snacking, so that was good.

Today has started off well. Met James for coffee this morning and had my 'usual'. Grabbed a small bite of his rasberry danish pastry - but only because he offered me some (probably in an attempt to feature on this blog!) - but was a very small bit, so I'm not going to worry about that.

Keeping myself hydrated now - so far so good.

Today

Well, today has been good and has passed largely without incident - kept myself nice and hydrated which is always good for a success (and largely my downfall last week, I suspect).

Last week wasn't so good and most of the days had snacking issues - but looking back on it, it was very tame for me and could have been a whole lot worse. That said I felt that I completely lost my way diet-wise last week, so I'm determined to get back to basics! The house is pretty much sorted now, so I have some element of routine back which is nice - so hopefully I'll just be able to leap back on the wagon, as it were.

Tonight is football, followed by an evening by myself as B is working a night. Nights are always problematic in those cases, but I'm going in prepared and I'll make sure I drink loads of fluids after football to head off an issues. Should be ok.

More updates tomorrow - I promise! :)

Apologies

...for the lack of updateage. No internet at home yet, so work is the only access I can muster. And I'm semi-busy at the moment.

Will update you all in a bit though.

(it's going quite well today)

Biscuits

Arse. There is a whole tray of delicious looking Spanish biscuits in our office kitchen, from someone who's just come back from Spain, and I succumbed. But only 1, and only after some persistent tempting from another colleague (who rather elegantly pointed out the least calorifc of all the biscuits (a small airy thing) that really would be better than nibbling on anything else.

So I did. Made a coffee and then walked away. A minor triumph, all told - given the amount of the tasty little norsels that I wanted to wolf down. Particularly the almondy/buttery flapjacks.

Is there anything more tempting and calorific than buttery flapjacks? I thinketh not.

Still going

Still going strong - but feeling very peckish, it has to be said. No unhealthy goodies around - and I've brought an extra orange with me if I'm struggling - but man I could murder some food right now.

Any food pretty much*, just food.

* ok, not cucumber, olives or melons.

Y'know, it's going alright

Well, that makes it sound better than it is. This week hasn't been a success so far. Most of the day yesterday was fine. Didn't leave 1/5th of my dinner last night as it was so tasty (salmon, fine beans, new potatoes and carrots - yum). But that wasn't anything to write home about as the portion size was good.

But snacked in the evening on just about the only thing I could find to snack on - cheese slices and sandwich ham. Like, why? It's not the worst snacking in the world - the quantity was low and cheese and ham isn't the worst thing in the world - but it was so unneccesary - I mean, I was doing so well during the day. Grrrr.

Even worst was the fact that I successfully hid my snacking from B and a friend who was round (it was opportunistic, admittedly, it was while I was making tea). But if ever there was a sign that your eating is slightly skewed, it would be hiding your eating.

I think my worst ever point was grabbing a flapjack at work a few months back, and then taking it and eating it in the loo, so that no-one would see me doing it. Not good. Frankly secret snacking is up there with destructive binging in the scale of unhealthy attitudes to food in my eyes.

Still, onwards and upwards - today is going well. SlipFast this morning, plus cycled in (despite having a torn calf muscle) - and had a sweetener in my oh-so-strong coffee today. So let's hope today is better.

Update

Right, all moved in now - and back in the swing of things today. SlimFast this morning, cycled to work and sweetener in the coffee.

The last two days have been not so good, sadly. Mostly as the result of a biscuit-fest that followed the moving in. Minor infractions though, and successfully left a 1/5th of my meal on Monday, which was good.

Going to write off the snacking as due to the lack of routine and free access to goodies though - so I won't dwell on it, I'll just pick myself up and carry on with the good work!

Next few days

Gonna be offline for the next couple of days (probably back on Wednesday) as we are moving house and generally setting things up.

So hang tight, I'll review the days gone by when I'm back.

:)

Today

Today has been mostly ok. SlimFast this morning - but snacked on a biscuit at Church, and then had a slightly too large meal of sausage sandwiches (no way I needed 4, but ate them anyway because we had to use them up - could easily have thrown them away, and I was full after 3)

Last night wasn't brilliant, but wasn't too bad. Succumbed to temptation and snacked a little bit, and had a crumpet before bed (with jam). Not needed, but not the end of the world either, particularly because I'd played football during the day, and didn't have any bananas to eat.

Last two days

Aiiiight. Sorry for the delay in updating - a combination of a hangover and a house move have stopped me having the time (or inclination) to get some blog-action on.

Right, yesterday was a triumph. Felt rather 'delicate' for most of the day so really wasn't in the mood for much - so SlimFast and fruit was not a problem. Did youth work in the evening, so didn't eat till late - but then had a delicious curry (cooked by me). Didn't leave a 1/5th, sadly though.

Today is similarly going well. Played football in the morning, so no worries there - and grabbed lunch in a pub afterwards while watching the football with some team-mates. Just had a burger with salad which was alright - nowt special.

Just had a SlimFast for tea to keep the good work going. Also had some fruit with it too.

Youth work yesterday involved about 3 hours of running around with kids playing football - so that was an unexpected exercise boost too!

Today

So far so good. Got up early with B and had a SlimFast, then went back to bed, then woke up very hungry, so grazed on a banana.

After that, plain sailing so far -- other than being very tired and on my third coffee of the morning (all with sweetener). Feeling strangely well up for snacking on stuff today, but determined to resist.

Have a completion party for our game which is certain to involve fairly large quantities of alcohol, but I'm allowing myself this indulgence, as the past few months have involved an awful lot of hard work, and this is a celebration of that - so i'm looking forward to it.

Will try and avoid any snacks, though.

Andy's top tip

If you are feeling peckish just before bedtime - go brush your teeth early. Never fails.

:)

Today

Apologies for the delay in updates today - I was busy doing battle with the forces of evil to try and get our house move sorted, so wasn't able to jot my diet down for a bit.

Last night was good - avoided the temptation of a lovely looking shortcake at cell-group last night, and successfully left a 1/5th of my Pasta (there was loads, so it wasn't a hardship).

Today is similarly a success so far. SlimFast this morning, plus some fruit during the day (I grazed, but I was in unfamiliar territory being at home in the morning, so I'll let myself off - routine is key in this war!) - plus a SlimFast for lunch and a little bit more fruit. It's all good.

Saw a big plate of sandwiches downstairs in reception which could make its way up to the office at some point - but feeling quite strong today, so shouldn't cause me too many problems.

Tonight...

...i'm fending for myself as B is at work, so I think I'm going to make a bowl of pasta with peppers, brocolli and a roasted vegetable sauce. The danger is portion sizes, so I'll weight it out and make sure there is no more than 120g of Pasta (~400kcals), and all should be fine.

Update

Phew, looks like I just about survived this one. I ate a few grapes (offered to me by someone who evidentally doesn't read this blog!) - but a few grapes is fine. There was a plate of left-over sandwiches in reception which would normally have ended up in our office - and if they had I probably would have cracked, but fortunately (providentially?) they didn't, and I was safe.

Now that the cloud of stress is clearing a bit I'm not feeling so on edge, and I reckon I can see the day out. Suuuuhweet.

Help!

Right, I'm struggling now. I'm feeling tired, stressed and emotional - prime situation for a binge. I'm hanging on by a fine thread, and such is the thinness of my resolve right now that I'll likely crack at the first sign of anything worth eating.

It's weird, I've coped with stress and emotion for so long by binging that I don't really know how to cope with it without eating. I had an appraisal recently in which I was praised for my ability to stay calm while stressed, but I reckon it's largely because I surpress those feelings with food - because right now I'm feeling doubly stressed just by trying to ignore the desire to eat!

It's been said to me a couple of times before that my eating could be a form of self-harming, and I think they are dead right. Self harming is a way to avoid feeling stuff inside, by creating tangible feelings on the outside. It's like diversion therapy. I so do that. I binge to feel something other than stuff I'm feeling (be that boredness, loneliness, stress etc...) And now that I'm facing them, I hate those feelings and I don't know how to cope with them. People who self-harm can do things like hold an ice-cube to get that feeling of pain without hurting themselves, but what of the compulsive eaters? We have nothing that can create pleasurable feelings by proxy that do not involve eating. There is no ice-cube we can hold which will make us feel good, that will make us feel full.

Is discipline the only answer? It seems like a crummy one if you ask me - and I feel like I could crack at any moment.

This afternoon, if you are a work colleague and you have some goodies to share - please try and hide them from me. Seriously.

Yesterday

Yesterday evening was fine - B cooked a lovely stir-fry, so lovely in fact that I didn't want to leave a 1/5th, but still managed it, which was nice. Then played 2 hours of football in the pouring rain (aggrivating my poorly ankle in the process) - but it was good exercise. Managed to keep myself nicely hydrated, so snacking wasn't an issue when I got back.

Today has started off ok. SlimFast for breakfast - and as it's "Starbucks Tuesday" I grabbed a tall skinny caramel macchiato (extra shot) again. Sadly James was delayed, so I ended up grabbing a tall skinny latte (extra shot) when he arrived, which was probably more than I needed, but boy, did I need the caffeine this morning.

Work is currently going fine - no tasty snacks to tempt me (yet) - so we are ticking along quite nicely. Hurrah!

Cookies and doughnuts

Another work bounty today, as it's a colleague's birthday and so brought in a veritable feast of cookies and doughnuts.

Just went in to the kitchen to stare them down, and consoled myself with a diet coke instead.

All good in the hood, so far.

So far

...so good. SlimFast for breakfast, cycled in, coffee with sweetener, as per.

Last night was fine too, and passed without incident, thankfully. Looks like I'm back in the swing of things.

Turkish Delight is still there mind, but I'm not even remotely interested right now, so that's good.

:)

The weekend

Today has been good. SlimFast for breakfast, with an orange. Had a coffee at church and had a little biscuit, but not a biggy. At lunch had a friend over and B and I cooked a large batch of Spaghetti Bolognese with a little bit of garlic bread. Successfully left a 1/5th (not hard, there was loads) - and will have a SlimFast tonight to keep up the good work.

Yesterday was, however, not so good.

It started so well. SlimFast in the morning - then went out and played squash with a friend (lost, but played quite well) - and then something weird happened. Despite drinking lots on the squash court, I think I was still wickedly dehydrated when I got back as I was ravenous, so ended up having lunch at 11.30 (SlimFast + fruit) - and then by 1pm I was mega hungry again...

...so I snacked.

I knew that there were some open biscuits hidden away in a biscuit jar and I grabbed one and like a naughty child wolfed it down so quick I almost forgot to breathe. It was heaven. So I had another one. And then, 10 minutes later, I had another one.

Radar contact was well and truly lost, and temporarily at least I felt in familiar territory. I was in the middle of a binge.

Saturdays are normally a bad day for binges - mostly because if B is working I'm on my own - but also because historically Saturday's have been a day for treats, and there is no better treat that putting the discipline to one side and allowing yourself to eat what you want.

I managed to pull myself out of the binge temporarily whilst I went out to play disc golf with some friends, but by the time I was back, concious of the fact that I'd "blown it" already, I allowed myself to go hunting for some more stuff to eat. The tiny bit of ice cream left was soon gone in a whirl, as was a quarter of a packet of raisins, before finally I started to feel full, and I was safe again.

Went food shopping without incident, and had some beans on toast in the evening. Bought myself a DVD so that I'd have something to watch in the evening to stop me eating more (and also to 'treat' myself with a non-food treat), and that worked quite well as there were no further incidents.

As binges go, I've had worse, and this one was fairly tame - but left me feeling really guilty, and annoyed that I'd ruined the good work of the week -- the truth is, of course, that I haven't ruined the good work, just taken the gloss off slightly. Fessed up the truth to B when she got back, which was quite hard (especially as they were 'her' biscuits) - but it felt good being honest about my eating for once, rather than trying to hide it.

So, there we are. Dust myself off, and start again - hence the good start today.

Let's hope it continues.

Afternoon temptations

Morning was all good. Lunch was fine.

This afternoon is a bit challenging, truth be told. The Ice Cream man commeth, but that is no problem - but watching some colleagues eat their delicious smelling sandwiches and KFC was quite hard, and if it wasn't for this blog, I may well have snapped, and gone and got myself a sarnie too.



Also, we have some genuinely Turkish "Turkish delight" (pictured) which is looking very tasty indeed. I even started playing the "it's just a little piece, and you really should find out what it tastes like so that you'll know" game - y'know, the one you play when you want to talk yourself into something that you know you shouldn't.

Anyway - it hasn't worked - and hopefully there'll be some more meetings later to remove me from danger.

Phew

Coming to the end of the working week, and as with the other days so far, yesterday was good. In meetings for most of the day so no worries about snacking - and I successfully repealed the attack of the milky jelly babies (which, I recall, taste rather like SlimFast milkshakes anyway!)

Yesterday evening past without issue - felt sorely tempted to nibble on some slices of cheese whilst waiting for my jacket potato to cook, but resisted (which was a BIG triumph of will for me) - and then when some friends were over to watch a DVD round mine, there was an open packet of Digestives floating around, but I resisted that too (despite, oh so really wanting one). Didn't leave a 1/5th again, which I probably could have, but man was I ever hungry and the potato wasn't the biggest, so I'm good with that.

Had a glass of wine with the movie - but didn't overdo it, so no worries there. Was my first alcohol of the week so all good on that front.

This morning was fine. SlimFast ok, and also cycled in today. The sweetener in the coffee is becoming a bit of a habit which is nice, and I'm also on the pre-emptive squash - so I'm all set for the day.

Right now I don't even fear the ice cream man. Bring it on!

Milky jelly babies

If there is one thing I didn't need today, it's milky jelly babies sitting on a desk not 3 metres away from me. They are, quite frankly, the daddy of all sweety nibbles, and I am sorely tempted to nibble on them.

But I won't, obviously.

Hopefully they'll be gone soon!

Yesterday

Yesterday was pretty much all good. Only slight black mark was making myself a cup of hot chocolate in the evening (Cadbury's Options, no extra sugar), which wasn't a big amount of calories, but it was quite unneccessary. Not going to beat myself up about it though.

Also, didn't leave a 1/5th of my two slices of Pizza and salad - but that's because I'd just played football and it was a reasonable portion. So no real guilt there either (well, maybe a little bit)

Today is fine so far. SlimFast this morning, and coffee with sweetener so far. Didn't cycle in because I woke up a bit late and didn't want to make myself later by cycling. Fending for myself tonight as B is at work, so I think I'm going to go for a jacket potato and beans (with a bit of salad).

Hmmmm, thinking about my evening meal already, that's not a good sign.

Thank heavens for...

...meetings. There is 0 snacking potential if I'm locked in a room without food.

Happy days!

Starbucks muffins

The muffin fairy has dropped some starbucks muffins into our office. Trying not to think about them. Might have another coffee and stare them out, just to prove my power over them! ;)

Morning

Well, so far so good.

Yesterday was a mixed bag - did well on the snacking front, but possibly overdid it slightly on the oranges (one with every meal), and I allowed myself to have a spoonful of a friend's icecream when he came over for some food - which annoyed me, not cos it was a huge spoon or hugely calorific, but just that it was so unneccesary, and I did it almost on the reflex rather than anything else. Must work on that.

Today going well though. SlimFast for breakfast (without an Orange this time), sweetener in the coffee and I cycled in. I've even headed on to the squash early-doors today to make sure I'm nicely hydrated. Football tonight too, which should burn off some more calories (as well as improve the ol' match sharpness) - so it promises to be a productive day.

And the best news? All the fudge has gone - hurrah! I can resist the boiled sweets without breaking sweat, but the fudge was a challenge.

And now...

...the icecream man is here and work colleagues are all busy slurping their icecreams - if anything it's making me more determined not to crack! On my 4th pint of squash (no added sugar, minimal calories) now, the only problem being that I need to go to the loo every 10 minutes!

Post lunch

Made it to lunch ok, despite the presence of tasty looking boiled sweets, and oh-so tempting cornish fudge in our office. I will not give in!

All my fruit in one go again - might have a diet coke to get me through the afternoon.

// must remember to drink plenty of water too.

Damn it...

Just put sugar in my coffee, grrrr. Was 'driving' on auto-pilot. 1 black mark.

Starbucks

Day has started off well. Started with customary SlimFast and also had an orange, which was nice. Then met my friend James for our weekly Tuesday morning coffee in Starbucks. Spent a bit of time agonising over what to have, as mos of the coffees are well calorie laden (including my favourite White Chocolate Mocha). Was quite warm so would normally have indulged in a Banana Cream Frappucino, but decided that that wasn't too healthy so plumped for a "tall skinny caramel Macchiato". Could probably have had a skinny latte for less calories, but couldn't spot any sweetener, so would have added sugar anyway - so I decided that the Macchiato probably wasn't that much more calorie expensive.

Nice.

Feeling hungry and tired now, which isn't ideal dieting conditions. 3 1/2 hours till lunch, I'm gonna need coffee.

Afternoon

Working day nearly done, and survived without incident - found it quite easy today, but then i'm not that tired, which often helps things. That drinking lots thing is a winner too - must remember that in future.

Have football training tonight which will burn up extra calories - laaaaaarvely. Nearly threw up after doing shuttles in training the last time, so hopefully I'll be better prepared this time. Big food risk though is drinking unhealthy things when I get back as I am so thirsty that I tend to overdo it on any fruit juice that's about (that pound for pound contains the same calories as full-fat Coke). Going armed with water though - which should do the trick.

Ok...

...starting to feel hungry now, and I would normally have reached for some fruit to keep me ticking over - but I'm doing the whole non-grazing thing, so I'm gonna ride this one out.

Going to have some squash though - make sure I'm not thirsty.

Today is going to be a great day!

I cycled to work (on B's bike as mine was knicked two weekes ago), I remembered to put sweetener in my coffee rather than sugar and there are no snacks in sight.

Bring it on, Hungor*, bring it on.

*Hungor is the pure personification of emotional hunger. evil to the core, he is.

Sunday Sunday

Survived Saturday's meal with friends with mostly good marks. Left 1/5th of the main meal, and the dessert - only slight iffy moment was the minor over-indulgence in wine (I mean, it's liquid, surely it hasn't got calories!)

Same with Sunday so far. Morning Slimfast was fine - and nicely avoided the biscuit temptation at church (they weren't very enticing biscuits, it has to be said) and mostly did ok with Sunday lunch, which was out in a restaurant with friends. Left 1/5th of the main meal ok (leaving mostly the chips, which was good) - but picked at the shared dessert maybe a bit more than I needed too. On the good side though, except for the wine with the meal (just one glass, check!) I stuck to diet Coke which wasn't too hard as it was hot and I was after something easily drinkable.

Slimfast later on this evening with fruit and then I'm done for the day. Shouldn't be too hard as I'm feeling quite full at the moment!

Back to work tomorrow - be interesting to see how I do with the new regime.

Some survival tactics

Back from holiday now, and pleased to report that it was largely successful (in that it didn't turn into the binge fest it so could easily have been)! B and I eat out pretty much most nights, but we limited ourselves to 2 courses only, to avoid overdoing it.

Had some great chats with B, though, about tactics going forward - and she's very astute at spotting when my relationship with food starts getting a little dodgy. We spotted two things:

1. that I generally 'graze' through the day. By that I mean that I try and avoid feeling hungry by spacing small 'meals' out so that I'm always feeling vaguely satisfied.
2. that I can no longer accurately spot when I'm feeling full, cos I tend to take my cue from my emotional needs rather than physical ones.

This, I found really helpful because now that we've spotted these patterns we can come up with potential strategies to change the pattern. So, in response we decided to try:

1. eating my fruit with my lunch, rather than space it through the day (so that I can get used to feeling 'empty' as normal again)
2. to always leave 1/5th of my meal to avoid overindulging

So far, so good. I haven't always remembered #2, as I find that, well, I like eating so much that sometimes I forget - but B is a good influence here, and I find it quite easy when eating with her. But, though I've found it hard at times, I've been surprised and that fact that I haven't felt hungry after a meal yet - so that's good.

Now to kick the exercising back in to gear - which shouldn't be too hard with football today, and another two games in the week. Hurrah!

Holiday

On holiday for a week, which should be ace, though brings with it unique challenges. Started off fun though with a lovely cooked breakfast at Zebs (a small one, which is a good sign from me), and I'll be having my last SlimFast of the week today before we set off.

We are eating out most nights, but that'll be nice as it's nearly always snacking that's the problem with me, and there are less opportunities to snack when I'm with B (plus I don't feel nearly as emotionally needy when I'm with her, which helps the ol' snacking issue).

Anyways, there probably won't be many updates for a few days while I'm away, but don't think I'm fallen off the wagon - it's just cos I haven't got easy access to a computer! As an aside, what is this wagon that you can be on, or fall off?! Anyone know?

Day 2

Just about made it. Whoop-de-do.

Today was hard, and pretty crappy. Without my normal emotional escape hatch I'm just feeling tired and down and fairly depressed. Man, I'm so hungry and it feels like I've been hungry all day.

Managed to force myself to go out for a run this evening which was kinda fun, though it started raining and then I started feeling all melancholy so just ended up walking in the rain and thinking 'bout stuff. Felt like the old days.

Desperate to eat something, and preferably something sugary, so I suspect I should go to bed before I actually do.

I hope this gets easier.

Almost there!

And yet so far...

I'm just about keeping my head above water, but I'm struggling right now, in all honestly. I just have this kinda hungry pain in the pit of my tummy which won't go away. I know it's not real hunger, but for years I've recognised it as hunger and it's very hard to break that cycle.

The added danger is that I'm cooking for myself tonight as B is at work, so I could well overfeed myself in response. I imagine it'll do myself some pasta, so I'll limit myself to 100 grams (dry weight, about 350 kcals) to prevent being buried in a pastalanche and then I'll throw-in a bunch of vegetables to make up the numbers. Yum!

Dammit, the thought alone is driving me on. Not sure that's healthy.

The scores just in

Ice cream man 0
Andy 1

In your face, Mr Whippy! You'll have to try harder than that!

(We have an ice cream man who pops to our building every Friday afternoon. See? This is the level of temptation I am confronted by!)

Post lunch

...and we are still going well. The chocolate SlimFast shake wasn't the tastest, mind - and it has done nothing to give me that 'full' feeling which I seem to crave. But temporarily, at least, I am feeling quite strong.

Mind you - two clementines to last the long afternoon. I suspect this is going to be agony by half four.

Squash

"Celebrate good times, C'mon! Doodoodoodoo-doo-doodoodoo"

The "free" Snickers have all gone, save for a few colleagues' personal 'stash'. I can relax just a little bit now, hurrah!

Nearly forgot to drink plenty of squash today which could have spelt disaster. Apparantly your brain often confuses the need for water (thirst) with the need for food (hunger) and thus if you make sure you are nicely hydrated, you'll find it easier to resist snacking. Certainly seemed to help yesterday, and seeing as my morning hours are inevitably spent drinking coffee, I'm probably dehydrated most of the time at work, which might well explain a few things.

Lunch in about an hour and I'm down to 3 bits of fruit left for the day (plus a 'shake). This one could be a bit of a battle.

Surprise

I was gearing myself for the daily battle against Snickers and flapjacks, so I was somewhat surprised to find free pork-pies on offer at work this morning. See, you've always got to be on your guard at this place.

Nice try, Hungor, but I think you'll find I resisted!

Breakfast

Well, you'll all be pleased to know that I've successfully tackled the first challenge of the day: Breakfast.

I reckon, if I was to analyse where I screw up most of my diet-days, I reckon at least 50% of them go wrong with the first meal of the day. When I was eating cereal (I'm currently doing SlimFast, remember) it was easy to give in to the hungry devil, firstly I would always use a big bowl and super fill it. Then, after wolfing down a delicious mixture of milk and carbohydrates, I would do the dance of the second-bowl-decision.

In my experience if I even start doing the dance and set off down the path about thinking about a second bowl, the decision has been made to go for it long before I'm aware of it. So I normally mentally battle for about a minute before reaching for the cereal packet and indulging.

Once the day has been 'ruined' by this indescression - it's easy for the rest of the day to go the same way.

And you'd think it'd be easier with SlimFast, wouldn't you? I mean, you have a delicious and healthy milkshake for breakfast - it's hard to screw that one up. Well, you'd be wrong. The temptation to have a second is still there, and if anything it's worse because not only are you lusting after carbs at that time in the morning - but also, after downing a 'shake in record time, you are also still incredibly hungry. Not good.

The solution this morning? Go back to bed for an hour - thus removing the potential slipping up time from the day. Genius. Now I'm not that hungry, but I am incredibly sleepy; Good thing I have coffee in my life.

More later.

And relax

Day 1. We've made it. Here's to a guilt-free evening meal! Hurrah! We going for dinner round some friends' so no need to fear the snack monster... until I get home afterwards!

How long!??

Arse. All the fruit has gone, I've drank plenty of fluid and yet I'm still lusting after chocolate. This time the attack is not coming head-on from the Snickers, but instead from the flanks of the lovely chocolate-chip flapjacks we have in the kitchen at work.

Maybe a cup of coffee will satisfy my need to have *something*. Or maybe it's the desire to be satisfied that is the root of this whole problem?

Anyways, I'm not going to bottle it. Not on my first day of blogging my diet - no siree bob. It's going to be a longgggggggggggg 2 hours.

Post lunch

Going well so far. Had my SlimFast milkshake which was yummy as normal (I'm being serious here, I actually quite like them).

Trying to avoid thinking about Snickers (and how they taste) right now, which is not easy as several work colleagues keep teasing me by eating them near me (and drawing attention to it). Makes me more determined not to bottle it, mind.

Have an apple and two clementines left to complete the day (another 3 1/2 hours). I don't like the maths.

Snickers

We have free Snickers (Marathons in old money) at work. This is a bad thing.

Currently I am mentally staring down the box containing them at a colleague's desk. Man, this is hard. The problem is that I am not hungry (not physically hungry) for a bar, but yet I want it so much. I want the sugar rush that it'll bring, and the fact that for a blissful hour after I eat it I won't be wanting to have another one - which means I'll be free from the effort of having the mentally stare down the box containing them.

Still, time for positives - it's 11:40am and I've resisted them for 2 1/2 hours (which is 1 1/2 hours more than I held out for yesterday) - so right now today is a good day.

I'm drinking squash today, so I'm not so dehydrated - I'm sure this is helping the situation.