Help!

Right, I'm struggling now. I'm feeling tired, stressed and emotional - prime situation for a binge. I'm hanging on by a fine thread, and such is the thinness of my resolve right now that I'll likely crack at the first sign of anything worth eating.

It's weird, I've coped with stress and emotion for so long by binging that I don't really know how to cope with it without eating. I had an appraisal recently in which I was praised for my ability to stay calm while stressed, but I reckon it's largely because I surpress those feelings with food - because right now I'm feeling doubly stressed just by trying to ignore the desire to eat!

It's been said to me a couple of times before that my eating could be a form of self-harming, and I think they are dead right. Self harming is a way to avoid feeling stuff inside, by creating tangible feelings on the outside. It's like diversion therapy. I so do that. I binge to feel something other than stuff I'm feeling (be that boredness, loneliness, stress etc...) And now that I'm facing them, I hate those feelings and I don't know how to cope with them. People who self-harm can do things like hold an ice-cube to get that feeling of pain without hurting themselves, but what of the compulsive eaters? We have nothing that can create pleasurable feelings by proxy that do not involve eating. There is no ice-cube we can hold which will make us feel good, that will make us feel full.

Is discipline the only answer? It seems like a crummy one if you ask me - and I feel like I could crack at any moment.

This afternoon, if you are a work colleague and you have some goodies to share - please try and hide them from me. Seriously.